When "metoo" compain started, I reposted it on my FB page. I had a second thought - "does my experience really matter? After all, it wasn't that horrible..." - which actually became the main trigger to write my own comment on this matter. As well as a wish to show an example for women in my country who may think even less of even bigger experiences, thinking they don't matter that much.
Because, sadly enough, even all those small experiences I had influenced part of my life that may have been different. I stop myself again and again, trying to minimise the impact. Like, it was about not wearing certain type of clothes, not coming home too late, be aware of how much I drink. That does not sound too bad? Well, I didn't escape anyway.
Of course it stired a lot of thoughs that keep on running on my mind. Trying to keep my head clear and cool is hard and my natural kind will to see both sides of an issue often fails to draw a line.
I walked in a park few weeks ago, when the weather was beautifully crisp, with the fresh snow on the ground, and I managed to be prodactive with my writing. In the middle of the day, there were enough people. Some running, some walking. I was walking with my headphones on when two middle-age men came running towards me and I could see one of them looking at me for awhile and then saying laughingly "Are you freezing?" (I was packed in winter jacket, hat and mittens). I kept on walking and they continued running in the opposite direction. I didn't react, pretending my headphones stopped me from hearing him. And yet, I had that nugging feeling inside of me - why did he address me? I am walking here, like everybody else. Why do you have to single me out? And more - why did it leave me feeling uncomfortable?
When I told the story to my friend he said that the man just wanted to be nice. It is like saying "hello". By why did I feel different?
Few days later, in a swimming pool, I was waiting to go into the water but there were few older men talking at the stairs, one of them on his way out. It was me an another woman waiting. He first wanted to let us use the stairs but the woman told him that he can get out, it's ok. It took him awhile, he was not too old but obviously had some troubles getting out. When he finally did, I let the woman go first and the man started talking to me. He said that he swam three km and after that it's hard to get back on the ground. I smiled and said that it's undestandable. Then I went into the water. And I didn't feel anything bad. I was standing next to a half naked older man, who wanted to excuse his slowness by telling me how many km he swam, maybe because he found it emberassing trying to get out in front of a young woman and being slow, maybe because he wanted to brag. But the fact is - I didn't feel bad about that situation and that talk.
What was it? His obvious human valnarability that made me feel like this situation is not thretening, in comparison to a younger sporty man in the park? Was it my mood and my general withdrawel from environment which usually accures when I am going swimming? Was it presence of another older woman next to me?
Where do you place your feeling in everyday life if you want to stay critical? Where do you draw the line between - violation and normality?
Because, sadly enough, even all those small experiences I had influenced part of my life that may have been different. I stop myself again and again, trying to minimise the impact. Like, it was about not wearing certain type of clothes, not coming home too late, be aware of how much I drink. That does not sound too bad? Well, I didn't escape anyway.
Of course it stired a lot of thoughs that keep on running on my mind. Trying to keep my head clear and cool is hard and my natural kind will to see both sides of an issue often fails to draw a line.
I walked in a park few weeks ago, when the weather was beautifully crisp, with the fresh snow on the ground, and I managed to be prodactive with my writing. In the middle of the day, there were enough people. Some running, some walking. I was walking with my headphones on when two middle-age men came running towards me and I could see one of them looking at me for awhile and then saying laughingly "Are you freezing?" (I was packed in winter jacket, hat and mittens). I kept on walking and they continued running in the opposite direction. I didn't react, pretending my headphones stopped me from hearing him. And yet, I had that nugging feeling inside of me - why did he address me? I am walking here, like everybody else. Why do you have to single me out? And more - why did it leave me feeling uncomfortable?
When I told the story to my friend he said that the man just wanted to be nice. It is like saying "hello". By why did I feel different?
Few days later, in a swimming pool, I was waiting to go into the water but there were few older men talking at the stairs, one of them on his way out. It was me an another woman waiting. He first wanted to let us use the stairs but the woman told him that he can get out, it's ok. It took him awhile, he was not too old but obviously had some troubles getting out. When he finally did, I let the woman go first and the man started talking to me. He said that he swam three km and after that it's hard to get back on the ground. I smiled and said that it's undestandable. Then I went into the water. And I didn't feel anything bad. I was standing next to a half naked older man, who wanted to excuse his slowness by telling me how many km he swam, maybe because he found it emberassing trying to get out in front of a young woman and being slow, maybe because he wanted to brag. But the fact is - I didn't feel bad about that situation and that talk.
What was it? His obvious human valnarability that made me feel like this situation is not thretening, in comparison to a younger sporty man in the park? Was it my mood and my general withdrawel from environment which usually accures when I am going swimming? Was it presence of another older woman next to me?
Where do you place your feeling in everyday life if you want to stay critical? Where do you draw the line between - violation and normality?
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